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June 24, 2025
From the Pirate Wires Daily

America’s mayor​

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After a grueling couple months of the dumbest proposals imaginable — rent freeze, endless free shit, government-run grocery stores, $30 minimum wage, the end of merit-based high schools, government funded sex change operations, and defund the police (though he no longer frames it so explicitly) — the fate of NYC’s friendly neighborhood communist Zohran Mamdani will finally be determined. The city’s Democratic primary is here, and after a dramatic climb from relative obscurity Mamdani is leading Andrew Cuomo, the election’s early massive favorite. Centrists are confused, though I’m not sure why. In NYT analysis of closing arguments from the candidates, “Trump” appears ten times, and nobody centers him more than Cuomo. In contrast with Zohran, who mostly focuses on evil, but nonetheless local policy proposals, this will be the question of the day: do New Yorkers prefer a psychopath who wants to run the city, or the other guy who wants to run for president?

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Nuclear’s vibe shift​

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New York is planning to build a nuclear-power facility, the WSJ reported on Monday. It’s the first major plant built on US soil in more than 15 years, and marks a significant political vibe shift. In 2021, the state shut down Indian Point, a huge nuclear operation roughly 40 miles upriver from Manhattan that produced about 25% of the city’s energy needs, because of safety concerns (earthquakes, meltdowns, etc.), and then-Governor Andrew Cuomo’s promise to make up for the losses with wind, hydro, and a few sacks of magic beans. As it turned out, closing the plant meant burning more fossil fuels to keep the lights on, which brings us, as ever, to the only destination of most progressive virtue-signaling: literally right back where you started. A big thanks to Kathy Hochul, New York’s current (still Democratic) governor, for the reminder of the only way out: stop being an idiot.

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Ni hao, overlords​

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Electric vehicle factories are increasingly becoming tourist hotspots in Beijing, where tens of thousands of visitors stop by each month to get a hands-on look at the production facilities of companies like Xiaomi and Nio. “More and more Chinese EVs are using factory tours as an important channel of communication between the brand and the outside world,” says one research analyst at Tech Buzz China of the excursions, which apparently involve guests getting to partake in “race car experiences” on test tracks. For those keeping score at home: while in America, we firebomb our electric cars if the CEO gets too political, China is presently treating their EV companies like f*cking Disney World and giving awe-inspired guests a complimentary Formula 1 lap at breakneck speeds. Ffs people — can we restore one iota of national pride in American innovation?? Because at this rate I’m gonna be speaking Mandarin by September.

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