Mid Bunny
Yesterday, after months of insults targeting the president, his supporters, and every American who has a problem with people refusing to speak English in the USA (me), the allegedly very popular superstar Bad Bunny was honored with the stage at our country’s most beloved secular holiday, Superbowl LX, where the Puerto Rican sensation waved around the Puerto Rican flag and monologued about something I didn’t understand and didn’t care to translate (lol joke’s on you, bitch). Meanwhile, Turning Points USA hosted the aging trash-glam singer Kid Rock, who once infamously sang about his affinity for underage girls, for an alternative halftime performance that could be enjoyed by good Christians in the language of our forefathers. Altogether, it was a tremendously embarrassing afternoon, which is to say it was the perfect way to celebrate our Clown World country in the year of our lord 2026. Who won? Who cares. Have a great week, friends.
Guns & Grain
The stock market, crypto, and basically every type of currency tanked last week before (suddenly?) rebounding on Friday. Dueling AI fears (both that it’s going to destroy companies and that it’s over-hyped) were at least partially to blame — however, “this is not the time to panic,” some Important Suit told Bloomberg. Internet freaks had a different perspective, though: “The experiment is over. The market is over. Life is over. Time to start eating the dogs. Time to start eating the cats,” declared one Reddit user. Personally, I’m kind of into this general ethos (lol). Last week, one prestigious X chatter even claimed the Richies are rotating out of intangible assets and into guns and grain. And ironically, that might be the most bullish AI thesis out there. Cause if Anthropic makes intelligence free and terks er jerbs, uhhhh, you might wanna own some acreage far far away from, for example, whoever made that Reddit comment.
Jew Gotta Be Kidding Me
Billionaire Robert Kraft delivered the most counter-productive $15 million minute in history on Sunday, with a Super Bowl ad portraying a sad little Jewish boy named David who gets shoved by jocks, called a “Dirty Jew”, and is saved by a noble classmate who announces that everyone should post a blue square to fight antisemitism. The ad is so dated and tone deaf I'm surprised we didn’t see David scream “oy vey” as he gets an atomic wedgie on a flagpole… PSA Jewish Donors: Wake up. No more funding politicians who coddle blue-haired Hamas LARPers, financing masturbatory stop-anti-Semitism galas, or producing annoying media like “Sophie’s Choice 2: Everything or Plain?” Instead, save that money for synagogues, Zoomers who create philo-semitic hype edits, and Jewish gun clubs. Luckily, I see a brighter future ahead as Jews everywhere (myself included) are fed up with the cringe victimhood narratives. Everyone except ADL’s Jonathan Greenblatt (who can shove a dreidel up his ass).
