Tuesday: Three Morning Takes
oh hello, zohran / the us house of representatives day traders / walz out
PW Daily
Jan 6, 2026
Oh hello, Zohran
Over the weekend, after Donald Trump casually announced our military invaded Venezuela, seized the narco dictator Maduro, and flew him home to stand trial, NYC mayor / communist revolutionary Zohran Mamdani took to Twitter to explain he was not happy. In fact, he said, he told this directly to Trump on a phone call. Naturally, Zohran’s displeasure provoked a wave of breathless coverage from the press, which has continued for days, and which might normally have left me with the obvious question of… who gives a shit what the mayor of New York thinks about a despot in South America? But then, Trump took the call. Which means the president cares, with all evidence indicating he actually loves this Stalinist dipshit. Why? For the same reason as the press: the man drives traffic. Welcome to 2026. Our frozen world that cosplayed seriousness is gone, the future is for circus freaks who really change things.
The US House of Representatives Day Traders
On Friday, a new trader on Polymarket (the betting/prediction site) bet about $32,000 that Nicolás Maduro, the president of Venezuela, would be “out” by January 31, 2026. By Saturday morning, after Maduro was indeed captured by the US military, the account made $408,146.72. Following insider trading concerns, on Monday, a House Democrat introduced legislation that would make it illegal for officials to make these kinds of bets based on non-public information. Now. While I do await the Black Mirror <> Polymarket episode (feat: Nazis, but extra rich this time) with bated breath, there’s another group that’s turning a handsome profit from so-called “high-conviction betting.” It’s called the US House of Representatives, baby. And unlike Nancy Pelosi’s $180 million in (reported) stock market trading volume — at least prediction markets have a public utility? You know: predicting stuff. With creepy accuracy. Out in the mother-loving open.
Walz out
Yesterday, masculine dude-bro Governor Tim Walz gave a two-handed wave goodbye to his re-election campaign in Minnesota, stepping aside amid scrutiny over a minor political scandal in which a mostly Somalian contingent of fraudsters stole an estimated $9 billion taxpayer dollars on his watch under the guise of dubious organizations like the “Quality Learing [sic] Center” daycare, using said taxpayer money to buy luxury cars and jewelry while also making sure to set some aside for the financing of terrorist organizations back home in Africa (neat!). Here, Walz blamed “conspiracy theorist right-wing YouTubers” for creating distractions in the race (see: reporting on the billion-dollar Somali fraud scandal), while assuring Minnesotans that he, the Governor who oversaw said Somali fraud scandal, would be stepping down to “focus on the work” of holding these fraudsters accountable. Ah, perfect. So reassuring to know that the man on the fraud case is *checks notes* also the man who let it happen.
