Covid’s last gasp. It never really made sense. Does the virus stop working while I’m drinking on a plane? At a restaurant, am I only at risk on my walk to the bathroom? There’s never been evidence of meaningful spread outdoors, but there’s quite a bit of evidence Vitamin D is an important tool in our fight against illness, so why are the beaches closed? Why am I being told to mask while I jog through the park? Why are any of these rules suspended in the middle of a protest, or a riot, provided the protest or riot is for a good cause? Where’s the evidence our schools should close? Our economy should shutter? And this year, how did the nature of the virus so fundamentally change in just ten days from Joe Biden’s “Merry Christmas, you’re all gonna die” to the blasé post-holiday “there’s honestly nothing we can do, but that’s fine,” and the CDC’s positively papalist editing of a ten-day quarantine to five? Most importantly, why do I feel like an asshole for asking what are basically midwit, obvious questions?

With few exceptions, Covid policy was never about reason. Covid policy was a demonstration of power. It was the North Korean military parade of public health, an elaborate performance that existed chiefly to sooth the concerns of a scared nation with the illusion of competent governance. To challenge the logic of authority was to challenge the existence of authority, which is never a popular thing among authoritarians, and especially not in a time of chaos. But with Virginia exit polls festering in the frightened minds of the Lockdown Forever Squad in Washington, and good news surrounding Omicron too impossible to ignore, it’s starting to seem, to the panicked dismay of neurotics across the country, that pandemic theater is finally close to curtains.

The turn came fast, over the course of just a couple days: from committed Covid histrionics to a righteous plea for reason, as if no such plea had ever existed. Three days after Christmas Biden revealed his new Covid brand direction, in what essentially amounted to the shrug emoji, rejecting the notion there was anything the federal government could or even should attempt to stop the pandemic. It was truly as if the White House’s prior message of doom was delivered only to ruin one, last family gathering before finally admitting the hysteria had gotten out of control, was best-case futile, and was in the case of our nation’s youth probably actually killing people. The partisan swarm activated.