The tragedy struck close to midnight in San Francisco’s Mission District.

KitKat, a well-known, beloved neighborhood feline, affectionately referred to as “the Mayor of 16th Street,” was out for a stroll near deli/liquor store Randa’s Market (where he was a regular fixture, often featured on the store’s Instagram page) when an autonomous Waymo approached to pick up riders in the area.

What happened next is disputed.

According to Waymo, the darling cat mayor pulled something of a risky maneuver on his saunter that fateful evening, causing all nine of his lives to be cut short. “While our vehicle was stopped to pick up passengers, a nearby cat darted under our vehicle as it was pulling away,” a spokesperson for the company explained in a statement, adding that Waymo would donate to a local animal rights organization in KitKat’s honor.

Bystanders on the night of the incident disagree with the company’s version of events.

Two anonymous eyewitnesses leaving a nearby bar told Mission Local they saw KitKat sitting directly in front of the Waymo in question for about seven seconds. They said the cat proceeded to walk underneath the vehicle, calmly making his way to the sidewalk, when the Waymo suddenly sped forward, running over the mayor’s hind legs before he eventually succumbed to his injuries (it’s a dangerous profession, public office).

Setting aside for a moment the question of whose account was more truthful — the company that would stand to lose millions in court for lying to the public, or two nameless individuals who just had a few pops at midnight on a Monday — it’s worth stating a few things that should be obvious to your average first grader:

#1) Cats do not typically have a good understanding of traffic laws. This appears to be true of KitKat, who — in both the telling of Waymo and our anonymous onlookers — was in the middle of the street prior to getting hit. The middle of the street is where cars are known to drive. Cats, who rarely take driver’s education courses, often struggle to grasp this concept. Speaking of which…

#2) Cats — and animals of all stripes — are frequently hit by cars. It is a sad reality of modern transportation that, yes, animals are occasionally struck and killed by passing cars. And by occasionally, I mean it happens a fucking lot. While statistics here are difficult to quantify, on account of most animal-vehicle collisions go unreported, on account of we’ve generally just accepted it as an unfortunate but unavoidable consequence of getting from LA to SF in hours instead of weeks, one Federal Highway Administration study put the number at about 365 million vertebrates being killed annually on U.S. roads.

And since autonomous vehicles such as Waymos are a relatively new innovation, only available in certain jurisdictions, it’s safe to assume that human drivers — not robots — have been involved in the vast majority of these animal deaths. Got it? Got it. But while I have you…

#3) When an animal is hit by a car, most people generally do not demand that all cars be banned indefinitely. While I’m sure there are a few lovely nonbinary interns at PETA who would be the exception to this rule, most people typically do not call for the dismantling of the federal highway system when a car hits an animal. It is a sad moment, especially when the victim is a beloved pet, but generally not one that prompts widespread pleas for a return to the 1700s.

We’re all on the same page? Great.

It is with this context, then, that we return to KitKat’s death and the ensuing reactions.

The Mission District’s response was heartfelt at first. A cute little shrine was set up outside of Randa’s. Locals stopped by to drop off floral bouquets, photographs of their beloved mayor, notes bearing well-wishes as his soul entered the kingdom of Kitty Heaven.

As the story gained traction outside of SF, however, things rapidly spiraled into clown world absurdity…

Social media posts about KitKat’s death began pouring in. They blamed Waymo for committing a robotic hit job in cold blood, and eagerly folded the tragedy into broader ongoing crusades against self-driving cars/AI/tech writ large. Bountiful memes ensued.

From there, the reaction grew even more unhinged. Multiple KitKat-inspired memecoins were launched by those seeking to capitalize on the viral attention. In news that will come as a surprise to literally nobody, at least one of those projects appears to have culminated in a blatant rug pull.

One individual even wrote an entire opinion piece in the San Francisco Chronicle — from the perspective of KitKat “from the Great Beyond” (I am not making this up) — arguing for more local regulation on the AI front, and… ok you just have to read this: