Lemon gets squeezed

Last week, DHS announced the arrest of Don Lemon (full legal name: Donatello Lemonade), charged with conspiracy and interfering with the First Amendment rights of worshippers during a protest at Cities Church in St. Paul. Mr. Lemonade has insisted he had no affiliation with the church-storming organization, and was merely operating as an independent journalist, the merits of which will now be adjudicated in court. But regardless of the final outcome, I hate to see this fruit (not a slur, literally his name!) get arrested here. Not because I’m some superfan of Lemon’s rants about America being a racial apartheid state or whatever… but because losers like Keith Olbermann are now bellowing about Trump “neutering the First Amendment,” and Lemon’s about to receive a subscriber windfall from people who view him as a persecuted martyr. Folks, when life hands you Lemons (attention-seeking retards), don’t give them what they want — let them sour away in mediocrity.

OpenAIPO

OpenAI is gearing up for an IPO later this year — plus a pre-IPO raise of ~$100 billion, outlets are reporting. Which is frankly incredible. It was only three years ago that ChatGPT’s launch captivated imaginations, overnight, all around the world (I’ll never forget a tweet showing its response to a man who asked for biblical-sounding song lyrics about ducks). Then, somehow, while constrained by heavy operating losses, it grew to advise some 800 million users (and counting) on recipes, relationships, God knows how many actual literal laws that 20-something-year-old staffers were supposed to draft in the middle of the night, lunar data center blueprints, and blood sacrifices to the god of child sacrifice. There is no telling what this company will achieve after this capitalization event. Curing cancer, maybe? Borg-ing our asses by opening a channel for demonic entities (which is what the “ChatGPT psychosis” people think)? With that much on-hand? Probably both.

Just what the doctor ordered

In an impressive “lose your job” speedrun, a Florida nurse has surrendered his medical license after announcing on social media that he would refuse to provide anesthesia to MAGA patients. Turns out broadcasting Hippocratic oath violations on the internet is… a bad idea! Lucky for him, he won't have to worry about treating MAGA patients. Or any patients. Or having a career. But his insane outburst is part of a troubling trend in the medical profession. Just this week, another nurse got fired for posting a TikTok advocating drugging ICE agents and yet another got sacked for wishing Trump’s Press Secretary would have a “fourth-degree tear” giving birth. New mandatory screening question for hospitals: “If a patient mentions they listen to Joe Rogan, do you: A) Treat them professionally or B) ‘Accidental’ castration.” Until that happens, when a nurse asks me if I’d like ICE to numb my wound — I’m pleading the fifth.

Pirate Wires

Meet the Secret Society Where Young Tech Debates the Future of the West

Hunter Ryerson · Jan 30, 2026

once a month, some 300 vcs, founders, and prolific posters gather at the star of the sea catholic church in sf for an invite-only debate hosted by the hamilton society. the debate series was launched in response to a “calcified social malaise” overtaking tech, where striving for the sake of short-term gains dominates any sort of larger moral vision for america’s future, and recent topics have included h1-b visa fraud, the ethics of gene editing, and christianity’s role in the west. intrepid intern hunter attended last month’s debate, delivering this exclusive behind-the-scenes report

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Pirate Wires

Death by Ballot Prop: How California Outsourced Legislation to the Mob

Ryan Hassan · Jan 29, 2026

california’s ballot-prop system was sold as a cure for broken government and regulatory capture. in practice, it’s been wreaking havoc on the state for decades, as unions, corporations, and single-issue advocacy groups have created a de facto ballot-prop industrial complex — one where only the well-funded can participate, voters get manipulated, and bad policy is locked in for generations. ryan hassan breaks down the history of cali’s ballot-prop system and its chaotic consequences (like organized shoplifting rings) (seriously)

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Pirate Wires

The Secret NIMBY Millionaire Behind California's Asset Seizure

Alastair John Pitts · Jan 27, 2026

while billionaires and politicians have dominated headlines about california’s proposed asset seizure, the measure’s leading proponents have thus far escaped deeper scrutiny. alastair changes that with this deep dive on robert reich, the 79-year-old berkley professor currently serving as essentially a hired gun on behalf of the unions and academics who crafted the asset seizure ballot prop. oh yeah, he’s also a hypocritical, millionaire nimby. (and quite short).

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