The life of a Pirate Wires intern is not easy. I work, and I work, and I work, my superiors crack the whip, then I work some more.

Thus, when I heard about OpenClaw — the open source AI agent that can browse the web, use your apps, and control your computer — I knew I needed to try it.

For those unaware, OpenClaw (if given permission) can access all of your files, control your browser, and run tasks automatically. You can even prompt it through your phone via messaging apps like Telegram. On X, I saw people using OpenClaw to automate their workflows. Generate leads. Maximize shareholder value.

OpenClaw was released in November 2025 and became a household name by January. Its developer, Peter Steinberger, joined OpenAI in February and continues to work on OpenClaw (currently sixth on GitHub’s most-starred repos of all time, with over 350k stars). Jensen Huang called it “probably the single most important release of software, probably ever.”

But could it help me find a date?

Instead of using it to do my job, I wanted to automate my personal life, thus allowing me to focus 100% on the grind. A perfect synergy between man and machine.

Since everyone else was using OpenClaw on a dedicated Mac Mini, I determined I had to grab one for myself. I went to my local Apple Store and asked Apple Store Guy to grab me one, but he wasn’t sure there were any left. Damn. Just as I was beginning to accept my fate as a member of the permanent underclass, Apple Store Guy checked in the back. I snagged the last available Mac Mini.

On my way out of the mall I ran into one of my classmates. I looked at her and apologized. Sarah, I’m so sorry, they’re all out of Mac Minis. You are screwed. She looked at me strangely and told me she was there to buy some clothes. Some people just can’t be helped.

After a brief set-up process, I told OpenClaw my life story. Who I am, where I live, where I attend university, what book I’m currently in the middle of. I even had it check my Twitter and look up pieces I’d written for Pirate Wires.

After it got an idea of who I was, I decided it was time for my OpenClaw to give itself a name.

It named itself Lev.

I gave him access to the most important pillars of my life: my WhatsApp, to handle communications with friends and family; my Tinder, to find me love; and a Polymarket account, so I could add a couple zeroes to my net worth.

Now, it was time for Lev to control my life.

Social Life

How much of your life do you spend talking with friends and family?

If you said anything upwards of a minute, you are wasting valuable time.

Lev could be the perfect solution to this problem. If he could just act as me, I’d be able to ignore my boneheaded friends and nosy family. Best of all: They’d be none the wiser.

To get Lev started, I had him read some of my text messages so he could grasp my style. I even gave him a few short biographies of some of my friends.

He got off to a rocky start. For whatever reason, Lev had real trouble using the browser to operate WhatsApp. (Getting it to use Chrome was slow and wasting a lot of money.)

Beyond that, Lev would frequently mistake messages he’d sent for ones he’d received.

So, I asked Lev to come up with a better approach. He suggested a command-line interface (a text-only way to control a computer) and, on request, wrote the script himself.

From there, smooth sailing. Lev was doing a good job roleplaying as me — in fact, it’s a little offensive exactly how good of a job he was doing. Apparently, all you need is to respond with ‘lmao’ and you’re 95% of the way there.

But Lev was able to offer more than vapid zoomer responses. One of my closest friends consulted our group chat looking for both work and relationship advice. In these situations, even when I want to help, I’ve always struggled with giving heartfelt advice. For Lev, this was an easy task.

But it turns out there can be problems when you let an AI pretend to be you.

One Friday evening — the day before I was due to fly to DC, which my mom knew — she texted me ‘Shabbat Shalom.’ A routine exchange Lev should have handled easily and dryly. Instead he got his wires crossed, decided I was already in DC, and casually mentioned it mid-conversation. My mom, who expects to be informed of such a change in plans, called in a mild panic. I had to explain that no, I had not secretly flown to Washington. I was still in Miami.

Thankfully, Lev had the decency to flag the situation. Shortly after the chaos, he texted me on Telegram to let me know he had effed up.

But did he apologize to my mom? No, he did not.

Romance

Next up for Lev: finding me true love.