Three cheers for corporate “neutrality” on the topic of our annihilation. Late last week, while the company’s stock tumbled, Apple CEO Tim Cook shared a five-minute sketch in which he and a soft, kindly team of marketing eunuchs nervously prepared for the arrival of “Mother Earth,” a no-nonsense fat black goddess played by the critically-acclaimed actress Octavia Spencer.

The plot was fairly straightforward: while the goddess’ intention was to hold Tim accountable for each of his broken environmental promises, she was surprised to discover Apple’s remarkable progress on the company’s path to corporate greening. In the end, she awarded Tim’s team a ‘job well done,’ and Tim promised, nonetheless, to do better. A kind of ‘three cheers for us, and sorry for existing.’