To the uninitiated, the trend looks like normal adolescent behavior:

A fixation on appearance, fitness, and hygiene, presumably in an effort to pick up members of the opposite sex, albeit through unconventional means.

But in reality, the trend — known as “looksmaxxing,” popular on platforms like TikTok, where young men regularly post videos of themselves doing jaw exercises, skin care routines, and other self-care practices — is far more sinister than that.

While they may seem innocuous, lying behind every “How to Get a Chad Jawline in Two Weeks” video is nothing short of… the emergence of fascist eugenics in America. Or at least, that’s according to a recent (insane) article from Wired — the tech outlet that used to cover tech — which sounded the alarm about the hate and misogyny prevalent in this online community of dudes documenting their self-improvement journeys, basing their argument almost exclusively on two minority looksmaxxers receiving some hateful comments online.

“Many of the movement’s aims align with the wave of manosphere ideology that is reanimating American society under the Trump administration, where hypermasculinity has become both a performance and a weapon of oppression,” the author writes of teenagers plucking their eyebrows, adding that looksmaxxers “often use eugenic beauty standards.”

Horrified, I decided to expand on Wired’s baseless fearmongering sensational reporting, taking a closer look at some of the specific tactics employed by these chiseled, Hitler Youth of TikTok who clearly intend to bring about an Aryan Ethnostate in America one jaw exercise at a time.

Below, an investigation into the online fascist dogwhistling known as “looksmaxxing” — and why we all must remain on high alert before these well-groomed teenagers on social media destroy the concept of democracy as we know it.

According to forum.looksmaxxing.com, a blog that I will definitely be staying away from because I’m a) not a fascist, b) totally comfortable in my own skin, and c) more of a “personality” guy anyways, looksmaxxing is “a term used to describe the process of improving one’s physical appearance through various means, including grooming, fitness, fashion, and sometimes even cosmetic procedures.”

These communities share tips, results, and “before/after” transformations, which users then post on platforms like TikTok, YouTube, and Instagram, with many garnering millions of views.

Now, some of you may read that and think: ‘So basically it’s the same self-care practices that have been around for decades, just with new, Gen Z-coded branding for the internet?’

But that couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, if we take a look at some of these “self-care practices” with a critical lens, it’s clear that what lies beneath the surface is a brutal regimen of fascist rituals that aren’t so much about hygiene as they are about grooming the next generation of hypermasculine overlords.

Let’s dive in:

Jawline Exercises (also known as “Manosphere Mandible Training”)

The flagship practice of looksmaxxing, jawline training is marketed with videos promising sharper features and a “masculine profile.” Teens chew rubber balls, clench against silicone devices, or practice “mewing,” which involves pressing the tongue against the palate like a Hugo Boss model.

For casual observers, this may all come across as goofy but harmless behavior from hormonal teens desperate to get Jennifer’s number. But to the keen cultural critic (like me and WIRED magazine), it’s straight out of the phrenology playbook. Think about it… didn’t 19th-century eugenicists obsess over cranial structure? I rest my case.

Make no mistake, people — every chomp on a Jawzrsize is nothing less than a coded march toward racial science. Next time you spot a broccoli-haired teenager with a chiseled maxilla? Know that you’re looking at Eugen Fischer’s wet dream.

Skincare Routines (also known as “Ethnic Facial Cleansing”)

Cleanser, toner, moisturizer: the Holy Trinity of dermatological fascism. Here, looksmaxxers on TikTok regularly swap product recommendations and record “get ready with me” videos showing off their glowing skin.

It may look like self-care… but dig deeper and you can see it’s racial hygiene rebranded. Why, in the course of my research, I even discovered one video of a teen sharing tips on “how to get rid of those pesky blackheads.” They’re just saying this out in the open! That bottle of Neutrogena? It might as well say Führer-gena. Because we all know what these kids really mean by “clear skin.”

Weightlifting (also known as “Iron Cross-fit”)

Few practices are more common among young men than lifting weights. But for today’s generation of young fascists, the gym has become something of a paramilitary training camp, where teens sporting brands like Gymshark and Raw Gear train for revolution.

Each rep builds not just muscle, but authoritarian resolve. Every PR on the shoulder press is another step closer to hoisting a politician out of their congressional office as an army of fascist Zoomers storm in to assume power. Squats, once thought of as a harmless leg exercise, now function as a symbol of Aryan power — a call to strengthen the Volk. Blink and your local Planet Fitness has transformed into Nuremberg 2.0, complete with complimentary towels (soon to feature swastikas).

Dental Hygiene (also known as “SSmile Whitening”)

Of all the sinister practices, this one may be the most insidious. Brushing twice a day, flossing, whitening strips, orthodontics — all things that, to the uninitiated, may sound normal. “Healthy,” even.

But take a closer look… what are “straight, white” teeth if not a eugenic ideal? When you really think about it, each pearly smile is an encoded message: I am pure, I am disciplined, I am ready to oppress. Dentists would have you believe clean teeth prevent cavities. But really, they are front-line soldiers in a broader whitening war. The next time you see a teen applying whitening strips, remember: this is how democracy dies — with gleaming incisors.

So what’s the takeaway here? That teenagers have always been vain? That technology just gives them new ways to document it? That WIRED needs to calm down and remember its job used to be reviewing iPods?

No, dear readers, the truth is obvious: we are standing on the precipice of a new Reich, one exfoliating scrub at a time. Today it’s a jaw exercise. Tomorrow… it’s a coup.

Parents, be vigilant. If your child starts taking suspicious interest in basic hygiene, fitness, or appearance, do not be fooled. These are not signs of normal development. They are warning lights of imminent fascism. Please do your part as both a parent and citizen and talk to your child about the risks of flossing.

(Or… maybe just stop reading WIRED).

—Riley Nork