Editor's Note: A staggering wave of grand theft auto has swept the nation, and journalists — when they aren’t laughing — are either blaming TikTok or the auto manufacturers. But there is another possible, if somewhat controversial reading of the situation: what if the people responsible for the car thefts were… the people stealing cars? And what if our cops were powerless to stop them?

In his full-time Pirate Wires debut, Nick Russo reports from the frontline of reality.

-Solana